Mountain Climbing

Life has been strange...but that's a cop-out phrase I use when I can't seem to find the words for what I've really been experiencing.  Strange in this case means uncomfortable, emotions way closer to the surface than normal, exciting, lonely but wanting to be alone, satisfyingly busy, sleeping for 12 hours and still feeling tired, and hungry-literal hunger, I feel like I could eat 8 times a day.  Maybe for once 'strange' accurately describes what I feel.  There's a lot of conflicting desires and WAY more emotion than I'm used to.  Ok, I watched Fiddler on the Roof and I started crying, and not even when you're supposed to cry!  The papa dude was singing the tradition song, the one at the very beginning of the movie and I started crying.  No idea why.  It was so weird I eventually started laughing instead of crying.  I don't even cry in movies like A Walk to Remember or Titanic, and a big Russian guy bellowing out "TRADITION!!!" makes me cry?!  Oy, I'm a mess.

A couple of weeks ago I went with a group to climb these two mountains that are the unofficial symbol for the city.  It was energizing and fun to be out doing something in nature-there's a serious difference in culture.  Whereas we enjoy camping, hiking, and picnics, people here aren't that far removed from the time when they lived in nature and had to survive without the protection or luxury of homes, restaurants, and cars.  There's a comedian who jokes about how stupid camping is because we invented houses for a reason-folks here would agree!  Anyway, it was wonderful to just be outside and to conquer the mountains :)  We had a little picnic at the top of the second one and enjoyed the awesome view of the city.  Pictures won't do the view justice, but have a look anyway!

The view of mountain #1 from the valley.

The view from the top of mountain #1 (the one in the previous photo).

Mountain #2 from the base.

Going up mountain #2-steep and loose rocks!

The biggest and most wonderful thing that's happened recently is that my brother and sister in-law had their first baby!!!  Josephine Marie was born on October 11th, healthy and beautiful :)  God performed a miracle and made Skype work so well they could turn on their video so I could see them and their gorgeous baby girl who was a few hours old!  It was harder than I expected to be away from my family for this, probably because for a couple of days I was considering going to the US instead of here when my visa was denied.  So in the back of my mind there was a possibility that I could have been there with them while their daughter was born, which makes it much harder than when it was never an option.  I know that I'm where I am supposed to be, that's undeniable, but that doesn't make it easier to not be there.

I'm happy to be here, I know God arranged this perfectly as a gift to me, but I'm having a hard time receiving.  It's a gift, but I also have made some sacrifices.  It was really hard to say goodbye to friends I thought I'd be with for the next couple of years.  It was really hard to decide what things to leave and suddenly realize there's always a possibility I won't make it back.  It was hardest to face God with my anger and disappointment that he called me to Kenya, then took me away so suddenly, so painfully.   It's still hard to live in this year-long uncertainty, not knowing where I'll be in three months, six months, or a year.  I'm learning and growing, but it's so hard!  I never expected it to be easy, it's just not as glamorous as it sounds in the books- you know, the ones about these heroic missionaries and believers who kick butt and of whom the world was not worthy.  Turns out most of them didn't start the butt-kicking phase till after 20 years of struggling every single day.  The books never mention craving a cheeseburger so intensely you can taste it, or crying at a stupid movie, or working out at 1:30AM to try to make yourself tired enough to shut off your brain.  Well, here's to the sucky stages, may they usher in the butt-kicking.